For Lucas

A year ago today, I didn't know that in 24 hours time, you'd surprise us with your presence.  Life was going on as usual; we watched LOST at Zach's and played Guitar Hero afterwards, like any normal Tuesday night.  When I woke up the morning of the 24th with contractions, I was hesitant to hope that it was The Day, seeing as I was still 2 weeks from my due date.  But you were ready to meet us.  I called the doctor and our doula, Kim, then took a shower while Daddy packed our bags for the hospital.  By the time we got to the doctor's office, I was already 5cm dilated.  You were still taking it easy on me.  The doctor was surprised that I was smiling and laughing, but she thought it'd be a good idea for us to go to the hospital since I'd progressed so far in just a few hours.

     We checked in and got settled, each contraction getting more difficult, but still not too bad.  I was so excited to meet you.  Jack Johnson played on my iPod, and the contractions continued to get harder.  Daddy helped me by holding my hand and letting me lean on him when I was in pain.  Kim helped Daddy by suggesting things that would make me more comfortable and she encouraged me to relax.  It was getting so tough, the intensity of each contraction seemed to increase exponentially, and I was praying for it to be over.  Kim said that it would be soon, that I was doing great and was so close to holding you.  The doctor finally arrived, and I was able to start pushing.  I pushed with eagerness at the thought of seeing your face for the first time.  Even in my pain, I wondered what you'd look like, what you'd sound like when you finally came out.  I just wanted you there.  To kiss you and squeeze you.  You, my Lucas, who had been growing inside of me for so long.  

  Just when I thought I'd die from anticipation, you were there, on my chest and in my arms.  I can still hear your first cry.  That sweet, precious little cry.  So quiet, yet so intense and angry that your peace had been disturbed. You started sucking your finger and stopped crying.  Daddy took pictures of us.  I was so in love with you.

You were almost 2 1/2 hours old before Daddy got to hold you.  First because I was hogging you and feeding you, then because the nurses needed to weigh you and clean you up.  

My dear, sweet, Lucas.  My little lovie-dove.  I can't believe you've been here an entire year.  You've changed and grown so much already that it makes me all teary to think about it.  Having you has given me a small glimpse of God's perfect love for His creation.  I am so thankful that He gave you to me.  I can't wait to see what sort of man you will grow up to be, but for now, I'm cherishing my precious baby boy.

Love, forever and always,

Mommy